Life of a Bengali in Chennai

So where to begin-let’s start where it all starts. The traditional Bengali khoka let’s call him “Babu” (trust me that is the commonest pet name for Bengali kids) gets a cushy (yeah yeah!thats only the popular perception about it) job in one of those IT companies and is for the first time compelled to live away from home.He starts to pack and finds himself packing all his jibonanodoz and literature stuff instead of the usual earthly belongings till “ma” comes to rescue, and proudly proclaiming that “amar babu-ta boyeshei boro hoeche,ekhuno amake chara kichui parena”(my son has grown up but can’t do anything without me) arranges the stuff till babu lands up with 2-3 huge “shootkesh” not-counting the huge holdall with mattress. Thereafter,mummy becomes all sentimental and start force-feeding babu the last few days, fending off all protests saying “kheye ne baba..okhane giye okhadyo kukhadyo kheye thakbi,barir khabar pran bhore kheye ne”.D –day comes.ma and bapi comes to put babu in train.At howrah station bapi suppresses his depression with some extra haggling with the koolie saying “thik se bolo dam nehito hum nijei lejayega,kiu jhamela korta hai” till ma intervenes saying “arre ajk to jhamela korona,cheleta etodur jache” and finally babu is into the train bag baggage et all.Bapi and ma bid a teary fearwell to babu and out he goes into the wild wild south.






Babu reaches Chennai and the back-breaking job of getting all those stuff outta the train is his first brush with reality.Then he hails a coolie in sign language only to be hit with the sudden realization that the same broken hindi which stood him up in other places is useless here.Lots of useless hinglish lands him nowehere and poor babu ends up carrying his luggage himself to the prepaid taxi booth .In another scenario, he may somehow manage to convince the coolie to carry his stuff only to know later that what he assumed to be 15 rs was actually 50 rs that the coolie had asked(as the coolie solemnly claims at the end of the deal).Babu feels angry but seeing the popular mood of the angry coolie and his fellowmen , he relents.


Thanks to the half English speaking burly man at the prepaid taxi booth,babu reaches his hotel/company quarters without much of a fuss.Then comes the fateful encounter with south Indian food,to be precise the tamil diet of idli,dosa and sambar.Babu by his inborn instinct looks for dal in the menu but is disappointed at the absence of it .So he settles for sambar n idli/dosa.Eating the simple fare,he wonders what makes this people relish the sour-ness in everything(“sala sobeteyi tentul dey”) unlike what he is used to at home(the mildly sour chutney at the end of the meal).And since the meal doesn’t catch his fancy so he gets to do a bit of people-watching and discovers that the humble lungi which is used as indoor wear by Bengali-s is worn with such flourish here. Men of all ages ,with enough oil on their heads to fry a fish ride, ride motorcycles with their lungis flying behind like the cape of a superhero and nobody seems to mind. Men are free here, he concludes-at least free to show off their legs(“sojne dantar moto thyeng” to be precise with mini hair plantations on them)..And he also spots the traditional tamil woman all decked up in silks in spite of the smoldering heat with mini jasmine gardens on their head. Hereby he first misses pasher barir “tuli” whom he used to give maths lessons before her madhyamik porikha and who used to look at her with “pakhir moto chokh”(don’t think 90% of Bengali boys can come up with anything more poetic).With a sigh he finished off his food and heads to look for a pg/rented apartment.


In this situation two cases might arise-


1.he meets a group of Bengalis in the company who are also looking for a roommate and he shifts with them.


2.He looks at all kinds of pg-s with the help of the broker .He explains to the broker repeatedly “hum/me bhirbhatta mein I mean crowdy place thakte nehi parega” which the broker returns with a understanding nod only to shoo him off to look at another pg/flat with folding beds crammed into pigeon hole like rooms.If lucky he finds a north-indian roomie else he is doomed with a “sala tentul”( oh yeah!dat is d way bongs finally get down to calling their tamil counterparts).






Situation 1 seems to be a perfect solution unless it’s a weekend and babu has to for the first time wash his own clothes. How much detergent for how many clothes, how come the stylish white crisp shirt turned yellow and maroon after he put it in the same bucket as his tshirt,how come the detergent never seems to wash off totally from the clothes especially cotton ones are the innumerable questions that confuse babu and babu realizes for the first time that what ma made appear like a child’s play has a lot more to it than meets the eye. So babu suggests to his flat mates if they can get a “kajer mashi” in Chennai..And in comes the typical Chennai bai with the silk sari and jasmine garden in place and wearing more gold than babu has ever seen ma wear on occasions. Add to it, the bai finishes her work in straight 15 minutes, manages to sweep the room without displacing a single speck of dust and washes clothes so that stains are left unharmed -all these flummox babu more n more. So to ignore the mess, like most Bengali men, he chooses to overlook these and turns up in his upstart office with crinkled shirts having the occasional tea or coffee stains with such panache as if looking smart is a crime. Some of these people prefer to cook themselves and set up a kitchen with flourish only to submit later to the hectic schedules and opt for home delivery.Breaks in the mundane spicy food that these home delivery people pass as north-indian food comes in the form of visits to Annapurna at Egmore where he gets proper Bengali food as well as a healthy dose of Bengali adda,not to mention he feels at home seeing the other pot-bellied,half bald Bengali guys with glasses thick enough to put the horlicks bottle to shame,going about proudly in tight t-shirts and payjamas.






If poor babu is stuck up with option2, then he adjusts and keeps a lookout for option1.In the meantime the only solace he finds is telling ma about how much he misses “potol r dolma” and “majher jhol” .






In the meantime a strange thing happens. Suddenly he finds for himself the time to look at girls unabashed. And thus he discovers two sets of girls- the attractive north Indian-s who sport straightened hair, who have somehow mastered the difficult act of eating rice n curry and even chapatti with spoon (holding the piece of chapatti like a boat and putting the curry inside with a spoon…it is more difficult than it looks-trust me),who go about in groups which inevitably has a fat guy who looks more like a bodyguard to the queen bee(ie.the prettiest gal in d lot) and gives you an ugly look if u r caught ogling at any of the girls of the group.And for the first time he becomes conscious of the need to attract attention and hence gets a feeling in his subconscious that hair gels and nicely polished shoes are not a matter of choice but a life-saver;).The other set of girls are the regular ones with whom babu interacts on a daily basis(including his team-mates) ,who don’t make a mark beyond the world of work.


A few months of this life,and babu becomes one of the following:


1.A workaholic who works 18 hours/day during weekdays ,sometimes even on weekends lest he gives in to his own frustration of living in an alien city,eating crappy food ,earning peanuts and last but not the least not having a girlfriend to yap away on the phone like all those happy committed people(trust me when u r single all u see around are “happy couple”-s:P)..


2.An amateur photographer(suddenly photography seems to be the fashionable hobby) with his new DSLR and gets shutter-happy clicking everything from birds to beer bottles and publishing them on facebook and getting comments like “well done boy” and so on..but the new-found glamour is short lived as he finds out that by some miracle all people are these days doing the same stuff…Thus disillusioned,he abandons his camera and hence the search begins for something more fruitful..some find it in preparation for management exams,some in new job search…and so on…


Whether he is 1 or 2 or a combination of both,some things however remain common.For example: love for everything Bengali,he misses his anandabajar potrika(the e-version somehow lacks the charm of the paper copy),misses luchi and mangsho,misses bangla radio and bangla books especially the pujo sonkhyas….and longs to go home during durga puja when he gets his breath of fresh air which buoys him throughout the rest of the year…..


That in all is the story of every Bengali lad in chennai…some get transfer back to Kolkata …but they are replaced by a newer batch of fresh-out of college dreamy eyed Bengali-s and the same story begins yet again….and for those who continue to stay on, the story continues to be same …or does it change…only time will tell…..I am yet to find out:)


Note:All resemblance to any people living or dead is actual..and in none of it have i intended to hurt any of them...Even if i have taken a dig at some of them it is all meant in good humor..

The year 2010-A Recap....

A brand new year came by and before we even realize it, we are 16 days into it…It just makes u wonder if time actually flies…



So I decide to evaluate the year gone by..Ummm…where to begin …to start with, the year began with me getting my first salary at the end of Jan 2010...The first salary got debited to my account and I remember feeling like the king of the world…I guess that’s something everybody feels on getting their first salary, but it was remarkable for me after the uncertainty we faced during the recession period in 2009..I remember each day was a night-mare as I waited for my joining date, with the fear lurking in the back of my mind that it might never come…But it came, and in view of what a pampered girl I was at home, it’s nothing short of a miracle that I survived through my training period in the cold north-east and did not miss a single day of training in spite of the chilly weather(on that note thanks to my roommate Purba)…

Then Chennai happened…Blazing sun, blandness of the cuisine, experiment with all brands of sunscreen available in the market, yet getting a tan, covering my face like a terrorist whenever I go out during the day and last but not the least getting used to using an umbrella (trust me, in Kolkata I won’t be caught dead with an umbrella ever;) ) and a dire language problem later ,I can say I have come a long way from the ever pampered single child to being a self-reliant woman…Now I have the confidence to take the world by myself, maybe I cannot make the best of all situations, yet I have learnt enough to not make a complete fool of myself in any situation..(so I believe..)..Chennai made me stand on my feet….



2010 made me realize what I could be to my family..my parents have been by me through thick and thin, but I felt good when I could assure them the same in their hard times…I felt proud of myself to be able to tell them that they don’t have to worry about anything…I am there for them….It kind made me feel that the emotional fool and impulsive buyer that I am, my life has finally come to some use:) and for this, I am thankful to my parents for making me this capable..(err…however little capable I am that is….let’s not get into that now!!!!)…..



2010 also taught me the value of family…I realized that the existence we have, amounts to nothing in this huge wide world and to its ever-growing population unless you decide to do something for somebody..and what better place to start than your family….They are the ones who give meaning to your life and since it’s my mom’s birthday today…I take this opportunity to say “love u ma and baba”..I am not the kind who tells the words “miss u” or “love u” too much..yet you people complete me…



Talking of how insignificant I am, as any human being is, I realized something very important in this year….a human being is as valuable as the work he/she does…living and working in a city far away from home…I used to feel very lonely at times..sometimes on evenings I would wonder if anybody here will miss me when I am gone…it’s then that I realized that they won’t..Unless maybe someday someone would refer to me w.r.t my work (however insignificant it might be to the outside world)..so all that matters is giving your best to whatever you do…I don’t know whether I am meant for great things…neither do I know if I will ever be someone worthwhile…but what I do know is my work marks my contribution to this world/industry and I don’t want to regret that I did not make an effort when I could have…..



On this note, I want to share a little story with all..I was on my way home last month when I came across and edition of “The Week” and bought it ..It was some anniversary issue to celebrate some of the greatest achievers( who are physically challenged) of our times….as I went through those tales of people with disfigured bones and bodies overcoming all obstacles just by their will-power, I did not know when I started thanking god for making me the way I am…I realized that I am indeed blessed to have a sound mind and body…because there are so many out there who are declined by fate the very things we take so much for granted…And thus as I read about the girl whose whole body is paralyzed except 1 finger in her hand and she has a book to her credit, I found myself folding my 10 fingers in a prayer of thanks …..Indeed, I am blessed…..



This year is the first one when I felt the need to know about all that goes on in the world…I became conscious of it in the wake of the hearing for the BABRI MASJID case..the Cauvery issue tribunal decision and so on and so forth…I had heard of the saying “the only blessing is knowledge and the only curse is ignorance”…..and so I promised myself to make a more well rounded decision when I cast my vote the next time…



The last month of the year was when I got my confirmation and became a part of the brand that is Tata..and however much we complain about TCS, there is no denying the fact that I am proud to be a part of the Tata group…In this one year, I have come across the TATA’s efforts at making a better world in so many ways that I am proud to be a part of all these endeavors in my own little way (though I do not deny that I curse them no less, every time I see a reduction from my salary for anything like this..shame on me:()…..

So all in all, this year has been an enriching journey and I look forward to having many more such years of learning in my life…

Tale of late evenings-now and then

This weekend I happened to go out with my mother and then I got a view of the sky and the setting sun bathing the clouds in its crimson glory after a good many days….infact a good many many good many days at that……
Looking at the sky as the day gracefully gave way to the beautiful evening…I realized all of a sudden that my go at economic independence(!!!) had cost me my favourite part of the day~the late evening….

I remember days before December 2009 when I used to be alone at home in the evenings and used to think “another day ends again without any news of joining” and sigh at my bad luck…My idle times would come pouncing at me and I would think that anyone anywhere who has some work is luckier than me(the grass is always greener on the other side of the river..u see!!!).. n at that time I used to look outta my windows and see school children going home with their mothers-some licking ice lollies,some hopping in tune to some unknown music……some chasing each other without any reason and laughing gleefully…….I just wanted to go back to my childhood and be the kid I used to be and then again I wanted to be the hunk returning from office-his otherwise stainless corporate clothes a little ruffled here and there due to the whole days work………I wanted to be anywhere,anytime but not at that moment……But then the corporation lights lit up one after the other somehow it filled me with hope that tomorrow would be a better day…..

Cut to Scene2-
I was undergoing my ILP -2 in Chennai and I used to return home during dusk.Sometimes as I walked down the streets, the horizon being bathed in the goodbye halos of the red sun would soothe my nerves and fill me with a great sense of serenity.
Then again there were days when my head would be muddled up trying to fathom some
intricate detail of JAVA and then the world around would seem unknown in that very halo.I would long for a known face,a known voice to share the so called frustration(aww!!at that time I was foolish enough to take it as frustration,,,dat in itself frustrates me now:P)….I would wish that the magic which changes the surroundings at dusk would touch me and take me back home to Kolkata where atleast I could crib and CRIB in peace about how tough Java was and all….and someone would actually understand it…but that was not to be……because Java or no Java nobody here understood my language and cribbing in English is not quite so fulfilling……poor me!!!:P




Cut to Scene3-
Now I spend entire days couped up in my cubicle and cut off from the world outside.For 5 days of the week I see the sun high up in the sky when I come to office in the morning and by the time I take the bus back,dusk has given way to night….Yes,the dusk eludes me now….So does the rush of emotions and tribulations that the sight of the setting sun started in me…I am better off without my emotions and thoughts being in a chaos as described above,but then am I!!!!!!

Surprised!!!!!!!

Life never ceases to surprise me~ just when I feel that I know about it “pop” comes a surprise and I realize that I don’t know anything about life at all.

Let me share the latest event that made me feel like this.It was the 8th of august 2010 and my mother was leaving for Kolkata after her 7 days stay with me at Chennai.I was a little sad,but I had grown used to living alone for quite sometime-so my pensive mood dint manifest in anything more than just a glum expression.But then something very strange happened..two of the girls in my PG burst into tears seeing my mother leave.

To tell you frankly,I was kind of stupefied and stood there bamboozled as to what exactly was happening.Here was my mother about to leave me and if at all I should have been the one shedding the tears..but what the heck…two unknown girls whose association with my mother did not stretch more than these 7 days were crying hysterically.

I dint know what to feel-whether to feel ashamed for my lack of tears ot to feel overwhelmed by the tremendous affection shown by these girls towards my mother.
My emotions ranged from “what the hell!!” to “oh my god” as I tried to figure out the cause of such an event.So here are the numerous so called hypothesis that my hyperactive brain came up with~
Maybe the girls saw bits of their own mother in mine and were sorry that she was leaving(sounds kinda far-fetched even to me!!!:|)


Maybe they had gotten used to the cheer and enthusiasm that my mother spreads around her and their tears where an expression of foreboding at losing that from their immediate environment(see..am getting good at making hypothesis:P..but still this sounds kinda melodramatic!!!)

Maybe my mother was too lovable to let go(and as I finish up this sentence,my insides burn with jealousy coz I am VERY possessive about my mum and I will NOT share her with anyone…….n here I sound like a smitten lover..ehh!!!!)


Enough of my stupid hypothesis and postulates…..but still I have to say “amma k nie kottogulo lemma baniye dilam”-amii sei….rofl……

My hand was itching to write…so here I did it…..please do kindly bear with me people….

free????

22years of living at home and being cared for n looked after by parents and one fine morning i was told I was to leave all of it and live away from them at Guwahati.What was my first reaction?Was it happiness or sadness or a mixture of the above two.Going by my first line, u will be tempted to vote for the latter but no.It wasn’t sad for me at all since I had waited for this call since a few months n pined n fretted to be liberated from the state of being completely idle.

Loads of shopping and preparation later I was in Guwahati in Assam.It was middle of December and bitterly cold and I gagged at the thought of waking up at 6 in the morning to attend office everyday.To me it seemed a task I would never manage to accomplish and by never I mean NEVER.Then again we had fixed mealtimes and my parents were pretty sure that I would surely die of starvation(u would also be if u knew me half as well!!!).

The first few days went pretty smoothly given that my parents were here to get me anything I wanted.But then my parents left for Kolkta and truly for the first time in 22 years I was by myself.I was happy,sad,nervous....i don’t know.There are some emotions which can’t be described by any of these words.I was happy that there was no one to ask me questions ,no timelimits to stick to...nothing...It was kind of liberating..or was it?Was I really free?

I wake up at 6 cursing the whole lot of my company,get ready by 7:30 and go down for breakfast.I grab a quick bite and am in the office-bus by 8 am.One hour of bus journey later I reach office and classes commence.Office gets over at 6 and I hour later I am back in hostel,having a lot of time to waste,but hardly having any of my vitality left for anything other than eat n sleep.

So what’s amiss?I do have meals but if I miss the time anyday..I am free to complain as much as possible about my hunger,but nobody is bothered to give me something else to eat.I remember my days at home when i used to bother everyone a lot if the same dish got repeated for consecutive days and here I eat the same sabzi n dal twice daily and I dnt complain since I know its useless.I,someone to whom a meal remained incomplete without a non-veg dish in the end,has settled to eating the tasteless vegetarian food served here without a word.So many little things in life that I took for granted then, are no longer so obvious.Back then, my clothes where washed and ironed in time and kept ready for me..here I have to find out which of them needs cleaning and deposit them at the laundry at a fixed time in order to get that clean feeling that I took for granted at home.I have to keep a lookout for the biscuit packets to be empty so that I can get new packets in time or else go hungry for evenings on weekdays.

I do have the time to go out on nights..but then I think about all the pros n cons n decide more often than not that its a bad idea.And that reminds me how I used to be cross with my mom for not letting me stay out late into the night.For the first time in my life I realise that with independence comes great responsibilities.

I feel grateful to my parents for giving me so many years of blissful life without having to worry about a thing.I realise now what it takes to keep a house running and I feel ashamed to realise that I never thanked my mother for looking after the minutest of details to ensure that the irresponsible pig in me had a great time.Here is to my mom n dad- a big THANK U...I know it aint enough and nothing I ever say or do will be ever enough to thank them enough.But still THANK YOU mom n dad..thanku for everything...

N.B-Great big thanks to ADITYA for giving me a great amount of strength in the hours of loneliness out here and reminding me that I could fly when I dint believe my legs to be strong enough even to walk...Though he is mentioned the last in this writing ,to assume that his efforts were the least will be a mistake which I would request everyone to refrain from doing...

RaNd0m Th0uGhts

Since for some time now, I haven’t got a thing to do and am idle in the truest sense of the term , my mind has got its fair chance of wondering around and is abuzz with all sorts of weird ideas . I have given myself the independence to think about anything and everything under the sun.
So today is viswakarma puja , the puja of the engineer god. That makes me think aren’t god and science two totally different things. I mean they both try to explain stuff like creation of the universe in totally different ways. One resorts to mysterious powers to explain it while the other tries to explain it in terms of existing physical phenomenon. And technology itself is a child of the sciences focusing mainly on its application side . So, the million dollar question is How come we have a god of technology? Strange isn’t it? Is it an effort to explain the explainable using inexplicable or is it the reverse ? Kinda confusing!!!

Since I find confusions tiring, I move on to the next topic. I decide to read the newspaper. There is this front-page article on Shashi Tharoor and what he posted on Twitter. What I learn from the newspaper is that someone, who was actually a journalist had left a tweet for Tharoor saying :”tell us minister,next time u travel to Kerala,will it be cattle class?” and in reply Tharoor had posted “absolutely, in cattle class out of solidarity with our holy cows”. This little joke on his part had left the whole party twitching because they wondered “was Tharoor taking a potshot at Sonia Gandhi” or “was he throwing the tweet at Rahul Gandhi”[said the newspaper].What do we call this? If u ask me, I would say it’s simply outrageous. All this time I thought that the 1st page was about all the important news in the country [how silly of me!!!] and never guessed it included following ministers and their comments on social network. And we talk about responsible journalism, right?
So, I dump the newspaper and move on. I stand in the balcony and look up to see kites flying in the sky. Kites of various shapes and sizes play hide and seek with the clouds. It’s a joy to watch. Suddenly I see a kite swishing down through the air. It’s a yellow kite with a red tail. A band of boys go running towards it, wind in their hair and eyes in the sky. One of them catches it and emerges with a triumphant smile on his face. Others follow him with a little disappointment showing on their faces. It is then that they spot a second kite coming down and forgetting everything they start running again. I feel that this running after a kite somehow symbolizes the journey of life. We run after a goal, some reach it and some don’t. But for both groups there is another new goal to achieve [or another new kite to catchJ] ,newer heights to scale with little time for despair in between. Wow!!Am impressed with my own philosophy.
Then I come into my room and remember that the next day is MAHALAYA . ie . the day that marks that DURGAPUJA is just 7days away. This day is marked by a special program on RADIO and TV called “Debi abahon” .It is basically welcoming of the mother goddess from her holy abode to earth through Vedic chants. There is this recital of it by BIRENRAKRISHNA BHADRA that is telecast early morning on radio on this day. PUJO for many Bengalis is incomplete without it. It really makes one feel the arrival of something divine. The strange thing about it is that this recital heard at any other time of the day any other time of the year doesn’t produce the effect that it produces on that particular day. I am myself one of those sleepyheads who fails to keep her eyes open after a few slokas and so I got myself a cassette of the whole thing. But it didn’t have any such effects when played at other times. You may well attribute it to my typical Bengali sentiments, but I can’t and neither do I want to change it.
Filled with a deep sense of pride at being a BENGALI, I switch on the computer and start listening to music. And guess what makes me shake my head~”it’s my life” by BON Jovi. What do u call that!!!

Waiting for your comments. Do tell me what do u really think of it?

The ever elusive LOVE

There is something elusive about love. Though there are all sorts of efforts to rationalize and explain this 4 lettered emotion, but does there exist any single universal interpretation of it? I guess no.

As far as I am concerned, this word has changed its implication to me over time. When I was a child, I had my due share of fantasizing over fairytale romance. At that time, all it implied to me was that by some magic some handsome prince would come to me on his flying horse(or pokhiraj as it is called in Bengali)and take me away. But as to how it involved any emotions, love or whatsoever, never crossed my mind.

Then in my teens, I fell in love for the first time. I was besotted by him, swooned over him, wanted to marry him even(even though I had literally no idea of what a marriage implied) and waited all day to catch a glimpse of him. I was literally ready to kill for him and trust me my heart missed a beat whenever I heard his name. He was none other than SHAHRUKH KHAN..(forgive the caps…I still love err..like him boss).

Then came the serious part. I was nearing adulthood(I mean the legal one)

when I met Him. Lets not take names here, let me call him T. So T was this popular guy who had a HUGE fan following especially among the girls and I was this geeky girl, trying to be invisible especially around him. But “man proposes n god disposes” so they say and this case cupid decided to intervene or so I guess. Keeping aside the details, in all fairness it could be said that we were into a relationship[were we?]

Then adulthood came, some things changed between us. Mathematically speaking the equations weren’t quite right between us[god help engineers like me].So it was more of an intermittent love affair, we were in and out of the relationship alternately for 2-3 months-but we were together. Right? Lets not dwell on that part too much. But this whole time I had such high expectations from love. Love is pure, ties two souls together, looks beyond imperfections and so on and so forth..phew!!!The very thought that I thought these to be true makes me giggle. And all this time I was legally an adult[god bless the law] and an impractical goat of an adult[can’t help saying].

Then one day it was over. No more of intermittent single and committed status on orkut .For a few days felt free like a bird. I could do whatever I wished, no huge phone bills, no lying at home about extra pocket money-infact it felt good. But then suddenly it felt bad too. I was on a visit to Shillong in winter.The weather was perfect,the scenic beauty breathtaking and everything was flawless. But something inside me wasn’t alright . Every time I saw a great place, I remembered him, saw something breathtaking and I craved for him…Something made me long for him all the time. That I guess was the point when I realized what love was all about. To me it was and still is something that makes the imperfect perfect and the mundane interesting and even the boring tolerable.

Now am 22,reasonably reasonable and practical[at least I think so].Now T is committed to someone else. I don’t really blame him because I myself no longer believe that it’s possible to wait for love and all that crap . But then there is a great big BUT here . T and B [let that be T’s new found lady love] are committed to each other mind and soul. There isn’t a reason to think otherwise. But where do I stand? The most practical ones among u will say , move on. But I simply can’t. I keep remembering him every moment. In my lonely moments I can still see the way he crinkled his nose when he smiled, the way he frowned when offended ,the way he walked, the way he talked and everything to the minutest detail.Even now something of importance happens and I long to tell him about it.Can anyone now tell me, what this is all about ? Do my feelings lose all their relevance just because he loves someone else? Is it illegitimate of me to love him now? Or is it unethical?

This dilemma in its turn makes me think about love again.What is it about love that differentiates it from its ill-reputed lesser versions like stalking , crush , obsession etc? Is it simply the fact that love is supposed to be a two-way affair ? But why does my feeling have to be renamed depending on someone else ? Other emotions are not so susceptible to other peoples’ viewpoint as love is and all this time I believed love was so divine and pure and what not[!!!].I guess there is a fine line of demarcation between love and obsession. But the irony is that a stalker also believes himself to be in love..right? Its all so messed up..or is it me who is all messed up?

Comments are eagerly awaited. And a word of caution to all-all characters ,places and events described herein are imaginary. Any resemblance whatsoever to any person is purely coincidental.