Tale of late evenings-now and then

This weekend I happened to go out with my mother and then I got a view of the sky and the setting sun bathing the clouds in its crimson glory after a good many days….infact a good many many good many days at that……
Looking at the sky as the day gracefully gave way to the beautiful evening…I realized all of a sudden that my go at economic independence(!!!) had cost me my favourite part of the day~the late evening….

I remember days before December 2009 when I used to be alone at home in the evenings and used to think “another day ends again without any news of joining” and sigh at my bad luck…My idle times would come pouncing at me and I would think that anyone anywhere who has some work is luckier than me(the grass is always greener on the other side of the river..u see!!!).. n at that time I used to look outta my windows and see school children going home with their mothers-some licking ice lollies,some hopping in tune to some unknown music……some chasing each other without any reason and laughing gleefully…….I just wanted to go back to my childhood and be the kid I used to be and then again I wanted to be the hunk returning from office-his otherwise stainless corporate clothes a little ruffled here and there due to the whole days work………I wanted to be anywhere,anytime but not at that moment……But then the corporation lights lit up one after the other somehow it filled me with hope that tomorrow would be a better day…..

Cut to Scene2-
I was undergoing my ILP -2 in Chennai and I used to return home during dusk.Sometimes as I walked down the streets, the horizon being bathed in the goodbye halos of the red sun would soothe my nerves and fill me with a great sense of serenity.
Then again there were days when my head would be muddled up trying to fathom some
intricate detail of JAVA and then the world around would seem unknown in that very halo.I would long for a known face,a known voice to share the so called frustration(aww!!at that time I was foolish enough to take it as frustration,,,dat in itself frustrates me now:P)….I would wish that the magic which changes the surroundings at dusk would touch me and take me back home to Kolkata where atleast I could crib and CRIB in peace about how tough Java was and all….and someone would actually understand it…but that was not to be……because Java or no Java nobody here understood my language and cribbing in English is not quite so fulfilling……poor me!!!:P




Cut to Scene3-
Now I spend entire days couped up in my cubicle and cut off from the world outside.For 5 days of the week I see the sun high up in the sky when I come to office in the morning and by the time I take the bus back,dusk has given way to night….Yes,the dusk eludes me now….So does the rush of emotions and tribulations that the sight of the setting sun started in me…I am better off without my emotions and thoughts being in a chaos as described above,but then am I!!!!!!

Surprised!!!!!!!

Life never ceases to surprise me~ just when I feel that I know about it “pop” comes a surprise and I realize that I don’t know anything about life at all.

Let me share the latest event that made me feel like this.It was the 8th of august 2010 and my mother was leaving for Kolkata after her 7 days stay with me at Chennai.I was a little sad,but I had grown used to living alone for quite sometime-so my pensive mood dint manifest in anything more than just a glum expression.But then something very strange happened..two of the girls in my PG burst into tears seeing my mother leave.

To tell you frankly,I was kind of stupefied and stood there bamboozled as to what exactly was happening.Here was my mother about to leave me and if at all I should have been the one shedding the tears..but what the heck…two unknown girls whose association with my mother did not stretch more than these 7 days were crying hysterically.

I dint know what to feel-whether to feel ashamed for my lack of tears ot to feel overwhelmed by the tremendous affection shown by these girls towards my mother.
My emotions ranged from “what the hell!!” to “oh my god” as I tried to figure out the cause of such an event.So here are the numerous so called hypothesis that my hyperactive brain came up with~
Maybe the girls saw bits of their own mother in mine and were sorry that she was leaving(sounds kinda far-fetched even to me!!!:|)


Maybe they had gotten used to the cheer and enthusiasm that my mother spreads around her and their tears where an expression of foreboding at losing that from their immediate environment(see..am getting good at making hypothesis:P..but still this sounds kinda melodramatic!!!)

Maybe my mother was too lovable to let go(and as I finish up this sentence,my insides burn with jealousy coz I am VERY possessive about my mum and I will NOT share her with anyone…….n here I sound like a smitten lover..ehh!!!!)


Enough of my stupid hypothesis and postulates…..but still I have to say “amma k nie kottogulo lemma baniye dilam”-amii sei….rofl……

My hand was itching to write…so here I did it…..please do kindly bear with me people….

free????

22years of living at home and being cared for n looked after by parents and one fine morning i was told I was to leave all of it and live away from them at Guwahati.What was my first reaction?Was it happiness or sadness or a mixture of the above two.Going by my first line, u will be tempted to vote for the latter but no.It wasn’t sad for me at all since I had waited for this call since a few months n pined n fretted to be liberated from the state of being completely idle.

Loads of shopping and preparation later I was in Guwahati in Assam.It was middle of December and bitterly cold and I gagged at the thought of waking up at 6 in the morning to attend office everyday.To me it seemed a task I would never manage to accomplish and by never I mean NEVER.Then again we had fixed mealtimes and my parents were pretty sure that I would surely die of starvation(u would also be if u knew me half as well!!!).

The first few days went pretty smoothly given that my parents were here to get me anything I wanted.But then my parents left for Kolkta and truly for the first time in 22 years I was by myself.I was happy,sad,nervous....i don’t know.There are some emotions which can’t be described by any of these words.I was happy that there was no one to ask me questions ,no timelimits to stick to...nothing...It was kind of liberating..or was it?Was I really free?

I wake up at 6 cursing the whole lot of my company,get ready by 7:30 and go down for breakfast.I grab a quick bite and am in the office-bus by 8 am.One hour of bus journey later I reach office and classes commence.Office gets over at 6 and I hour later I am back in hostel,having a lot of time to waste,but hardly having any of my vitality left for anything other than eat n sleep.

So what’s amiss?I do have meals but if I miss the time anyday..I am free to complain as much as possible about my hunger,but nobody is bothered to give me something else to eat.I remember my days at home when i used to bother everyone a lot if the same dish got repeated for consecutive days and here I eat the same sabzi n dal twice daily and I dnt complain since I know its useless.I,someone to whom a meal remained incomplete without a non-veg dish in the end,has settled to eating the tasteless vegetarian food served here without a word.So many little things in life that I took for granted then, are no longer so obvious.Back then, my clothes where washed and ironed in time and kept ready for me..here I have to find out which of them needs cleaning and deposit them at the laundry at a fixed time in order to get that clean feeling that I took for granted at home.I have to keep a lookout for the biscuit packets to be empty so that I can get new packets in time or else go hungry for evenings on weekdays.

I do have the time to go out on nights..but then I think about all the pros n cons n decide more often than not that its a bad idea.And that reminds me how I used to be cross with my mom for not letting me stay out late into the night.For the first time in my life I realise that with independence comes great responsibilities.

I feel grateful to my parents for giving me so many years of blissful life without having to worry about a thing.I realise now what it takes to keep a house running and I feel ashamed to realise that I never thanked my mother for looking after the minutest of details to ensure that the irresponsible pig in me had a great time.Here is to my mom n dad- a big THANK U...I know it aint enough and nothing I ever say or do will be ever enough to thank them enough.But still THANK YOU mom n dad..thanku for everything...

N.B-Great big thanks to ADITYA for giving me a great amount of strength in the hours of loneliness out here and reminding me that I could fly when I dint believe my legs to be strong enough even to walk...Though he is mentioned the last in this writing ,to assume that his efforts were the least will be a mistake which I would request everyone to refrain from doing...